Grief is not only about death: Every loss can trigger mourning

By Ahmet Taş | Acil Host

ISTANBUL, TURKEY — Grief is not limited to the death of a loved one and may also follow divorce, job loss, serious illness, migration, financial hardship or the collapse of important future plans, according to a clinical psychologist in Turkey.

Clinical Psychologist Tuğçe Tunçel of Üsküdar University NPİSTANBUL Hospital said grief is a natural psychological response to losing a person, relationship, role or other part of life that carries significant meaning.

Tunçel emphasized that healthy grieving is not about forgetting what has been lost. Instead, the process involves gradually accepting the reality of the loss, learning to live with the emotional pain and rebuilding a meaningful connection with everyday life.

Grief does not follow the same path for everyone

One of the most familiar descriptions of grief is the model commonly associated with denial, anger, bargaining, depressive feelings and acceptance.

Tunçel said, however, that contemporary psychological understanding does not assume that every person will experience these stages in the same order or with the same intensity.

“Grief is not a linear process; a person may feel well on some days and experience the loss again almost as intensely as on the first day on others.”

She said the ability to grieve can itself reflect a person’s ability to form meaningful emotional bonds.

In a healthy grieving process, people may gradually become more able to acknowledge what happened, tolerate painful emotions and develop a new sense of meaning after their lives have changed.

The objective is therefore not to erase memories or stop caring about what was lost.

Instead, adjustment means finding a way to continue living while allowing the loss to remain part of one’s personal story.

There is no fixed deadline for mourning

Tunçel stressed that grief does not have a universal expiration date.

For many people, the first few months following a loss may be the most intense. But emotional effects can continue for a year or longer and may fluctuate considerably over time.

How long grief remains intense can depend on several factors, including the nature of the loss, a person’s life history and personality, and the strength of their social support network.

This means that two people experiencing apparently similar losses may respond very differently.

One person may return relatively quickly to work, relationships and daily routines, while another may need significantly more time to adjust.

The duration of grief alone does not necessarily indicate a mental health disorder.

However, Tunçel said some persistent symptoms may indicate that a professional evaluation would be appropriate.

When professional support may become important

Among the signs requiring attention is a continuing level of distress that prevents a person from maintaining basic daily functioning even after several months.

Tunçel also identified persistent and unchanging intense longing, an inability to accept the loss, and the feeling that life has completely stopped as possible warning signs.

Excessive self-blame, persistent feelings of worthlessness, withdrawal from social relationships and profound hopelessness may also warrant professional assessment.

Thoughts that life has become meaningless or the emergence of suicidal thoughts require particular attention and should be evaluated by a mental health professional.

Long-lasting and severe disturbances in sleep or appetite can also be relevant.

Tunçel noted that such symptoms do not automatically mean that someone has depression.

They may, however, require assessment for conditions such as prolonged grief disorder or clinical depression, depending on their severity, duration and impact on daily functioning.

Suppressing emotions does not make them disappear

People experiencing grief are often encouraged by others to “be strong,” “stop crying” or simply accept that “life goes on.”

Tunçel cautioned that continuously suppressing emotional responses does not necessarily resolve them.

“Suppressed emotions do not disappear; they only change the way they are expressed.”

According to Tunçel, people who suppress grief for extended periods may experience symptoms related to anxiety, depression, anger, panic or post-traumatic stress.

Long-term stress may also be accompanied by physical complaints, including sleep problems, muscle pain, headaches, gastrointestinal difficulties and chronic fatigue.

Healthy grieving, she said, does not mean remaining in emotional pain indefinitely.

Rather, it involves being able to express painful emotions when necessary, receive support from others and gradually reconnect with relationships, responsibilities and activities.

Divorce, migration and job loss can also cause grief

Tunçel emphasized that grief should not be understood exclusively in relation to death.

People can grieve whenever they lose something that carries substantial meaning in their lives.

A divorce, loss of a long-term job, diagnosis of a serious illness, loss of a limb, infertility, migration, financial loss or the collapse of important plans for the future can all initiate a grieving process.

In these situations, what has been lost may not be another person.

Instead, individuals may be grieving a former identity, a sense of security, a professional or family role, their physical abilities, their home or an imagined future.

Tunçel said this is why responses such as “What is there to be so upset about?” may fail to recognize the personal significance of the experience.

The psychological impact of a loss cannot always be judged by how serious it appears to someone outside the situation.

What matters is the meaning that the lost person, relationship, ability, role or expectation held in the individual’s life.

Psychotherapy can support adaptation after a major loss

Not every grieving process requires treatment.

Tunçel said natural grief can often progress in a healthy way with a reliable social support network and, when needed, psychological counseling.

Professional intervention becomes more important when grief is prolonged, significantly disrupts everyday life or is accompanied by depression, trauma-related symptoms or severe anxiety.

Grief-focused psychotherapy can help a person process the meaning of a loss, work through intense longing and adjust to a changed life.

Cognitive behavioral therapy may be used to address patterns of guilt, hopelessness or other thoughts that interfere with everyday functioning.

Trauma-focused therapies may be considered when a loss is sudden, unexpected or particularly traumatic.

Supportive psychotherapy and group therapy can provide a safe environment in which people with similar experiences can share their feelings, while family therapy may help when a loss affects the broader family system and its patterns of communication.

Medication is not intended to eliminate grief itself

Tunçel also stressed that medication is not prescribed simply to remove normal feelings of grief.

Feeling sadness, longing for someone or struggling emotionally after an important loss does not by itself mean that medication is necessary.

The approach may change when grief is accompanied by a separate psychiatric condition.

If a person develops clinical depression, severe anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder or serious and persistent sleep problems, medical treatment may be considered following an evaluation by a psychiatrist.

When appropriate, medication can then be planned alongside psychotherapy.

Tunçel’s central message is that healthy grieving does not require people to forget their losses or pretend that emotional pain has disappeared.

Instead, recovery involves recognizing the place of the loss in one’s life, allowing emotions to be expressed, seeking support when necessary and gradually rebuilding a relationship with everyday life.

In that sense, every meaningful loss can create its own form of grief — and each person may need a different amount of time and support to learn how to live with what has changed.

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